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Welcome to the Potential Leader Lab. I'm your host, Perry Maughmer. And today we're exploring the idea around living in a cage of our own creation. Now, everything that I do, I approach through the e three framework, and that means we leverage, exploring, experimenting, and evolving as our means of navigating our leadership odyssey. I define leadership as having a positive impact on the lives of those we care about. Now, with this definition, every single one of us has both the opportunity and responsibility to lead in whatever part of the world it makes the most sense for us to do so. And if we all individually take these opportunities, we can collectively make the world a better place. All right, so let's get into it. I have three interesting ideas from people way smarter than me to get us started. The first is from graham brown. Life is about choices. Some we regret. Some we're proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message we are what we choose to be.
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The next one's from Nelson Mandela. May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. And finally, from ben rector. Life is not the mountaintops. It is the walking in between. Now, we're going to do a little exploration. So here's my thought. What do we want or need or yearn for more than anything as human beings? In my mind, the answer to that is meaning. We want our lives to mean something. We want to mean something. We seek meaning in our life. We want to connect to something bigger than ourselves, and we want all of the effort that we put into life to mean something. Now, what I would ask you and what I don't have an answer for is what are we actually looking for? Because seeking meaning would be different for each person.
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You'd really have to think about what that means for you. What is it you want? What would fill that hole inside? What would put out that fire that's burning inside of you? At what point would you sit back and go, that's it, I found it. I'm home, I can rest? That's different for everybody. But I think few of us actually take the time to figure it out. And it's a little about time, but it's much more in my mind about effort, to be honest with you, because this takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of thinking. It takes a lot of cognitive heavy lifting, and it can be very frustrating because we typically have a pretty most people have a pretty high need for closure. So when we start thinking about something, we want to come up with an answer. Well, this may or may not have an answer. The way we think about it, what we're looking for is a path. If life is a mountain, the goal is not to get to the top.
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The goal is to find our path. But we mistakenly think we're supposed to get to the top. So any path will do. The challenge is the path is really the life. As Cervantes said, the journey is the end. And to think about that realistically, we want the path we're on to be the path we want, not any path we'll do. Because I think we can all speak to when that's happened, and we can all speak to how that doesn't work. So it's really important for us to understand what we're looking for. What is the meaning we're looking for? How can our lives mean something? And does it have to be is it now or is it after we're gone now? Go back to the whole title of this was Cages of Our Own Creation. And the reason I say that is because we box ourselves in really, really quickly. And I'll give you an example. I'll give you a personal example.
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Every one of us lives in cages of our own creation. I talk to people all the time. And I'm going to share. I'm just going to tell you about what my experiences are with listening to folks. And I'm going to tell you about a personal experience. And so when I listen to people, I often work with multiple people inside same organization. I typically work with the owner or the CEO of a company. And then I may in some instances, work with other people that report to that person. And it's so interesting to me to hear everybody talk, because the CEO or the leader I typically have more interaction with. So I know them better. I've listened to them. I've asked them lots of questions. I understand how they're going about things, what they expect, what their goals, what their aspirations, what their vision is. And then many times I hear folks that report directly to them telling me things about their perception of what that person does or does not want them to do that don't align with what I know about that person. And oftentimes I'll ask the person I'm talking to that reports to the leader of the organization.
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I'll say, is that something they told you? And quite honestly, the answer is often, no, they didn't tell me that. So my next question is, well then how did you come to that conclusion? And it's typically something that the just sensed. They created that construct for themselves. They created that story for themselves about what the leader of the organization wanted, didn't want, would allow, wouldn't allow. Here's what's funny. And I know that this isn't everywhere. I know that this isn't a universal, but it is for the people that I work with because of the type of people I work with. And I'll attribute this to the person that gave me the phrase. It was Tim Burnham, who's a client of mine. And years ago, one of the first things he told me was in his organization, he tells the people that work for him, I want you to run till tackled. I want you to run till tackled. Now, there's a whole nother discussion to have around giving people very clear ideas of what you want from them, and that is a really clear one, right? I mean, just think about that graph.
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Think about that metaphor in your head. I want you to run till tackled. It's easy. It's like I want you to do, because he said, here's what I tell people. You keep going. If you get too close to the edge, I'll get you. Like, I'll let you know when you've gone too far. But nobody's gone too far yet, so somebody's got to keep pushing. But that's typically most of the leaders that I work with. That's the way they approach their work. They're like, people don't take enough risk. They don't take enough decision making opportunities. They don't push far enough in what they're doing. But everybody on the other side of that equation. Everybody else is waiting to be told, what's enough?
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Where's the line? How far should I go? Again, they're living in a cage that they made, right? The created their own box. And it's usually, to be honest with you, it's usually just a box that we're comfortable in, right? We kind of settle in, and we allow stories to come out in our head that guide our life. And that's what I want to talk to you about now and I want to share with you, is those kind of stories. And so I think I don't even know. I'm bad with detail. My wife would tell you that. Lisa would tell you that ten times out of ten. And I think this is like episode 16 or something like that. Now, this is my personal example. When I started the podcast, I was very excited. I was very excited because I liked the idea of being able to share what I believed, what I felt in my own voice.
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I love to write as well. I love to write, but I think that hearing somebody share their ideas and their own voice, hearing the tone, those types of things, and then we added video components, so some of the things we video, we put on YouTube. Having all of those different things changes it in my mind. So I was very excited. I was like, this is going to be awesome. Guess what? Today, well, over the weekend and today, as I was coming in here, it didn't feel awesome. I left, and my wife texted me. She said, hey, have fun today with a little microphone emoji. Have fun. And I texted her back, and I said, right now, this doesn't feel like it's going to be fun. And that's because we have this ongoing discussion. And she's actually right. I believe she's right. Doesn't mean I'm willing to bust the box I've created for myself, but I know that it's there.
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I clearly see it because she's pointed it out to me. She said, you're very good. Why do you spend so much time preparing? Why do you make it into this big thing? You should just go in there and talk. Go in there and talk with the passion that you always talk to people with about the things that you're passionate about. You don't need all of that structure. You don't need to spend all that time creating work for yourself and getting wound up and frustrated and think that you have to have all of this research done before you do any of them. I happen to agree with her. But as you'll see, if you watch the YouTube, you'll see I have my iPad right here in front of me. I have notes, I've researched, I've looked at articles. I've created notes, all those things. Do I need to do that? Or have I now turned this into something that has worked? It started off by the reason I wanted to do it, because I thought it'd be fun.
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I thought it would be fun, and I thought people would enjoy listening. Now, I've turned it from my standpoint, I've turned it into more work. Because I can tell you, this weekend, I was not looking forward to it. It did not feel fun. I felt pressure, I felt anxiety. I felt a lot of stuff. None of it was, oh, this is awesome. It's fun. Now, here's the thing. I work for myself. So I obviously am creating all of these things for myself. This is not something anybody told me I needed to do. This is me overanalyzing doing research, thinking, okay, listening to a bunch of podcasts, looking at how do you get ready for podcasts? How do you do all of these things? Right?
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So now all of that information, I've constructed my own cage. I thought to myself, this is the right way to do it, so I need to do it this way. So one of the things we have to figure out is how can we transcend ourselves? How can we get out of our own heads? How can we have the humility to listen to the world? I was in a conversation with one of my clients the other day, and we were talking about some things that were going on. And I said, you know, leaders, the people that run organizations, you're you're really not trying to bring you're trying to balance your vision with what's trying to happen in the world. And I know this sounds a little esoteric, but really what you're trying to do as a leader is you're trying to understand what everybody what what your clients in the outside world and the macroeconomic environment and the people that work in your organization, all of these things. What is trying to happen here? Because oftentimes we get so focused on trying to make something happen, we don't allow things to happen. And again, we create those boxes of no, this is the thing I want my metaphor and you call it a metaphor analogy that I use for people in this scenario is I say, look, here's what I imagine you're doing. There's a hallway full of doors. You've picked a door. That is the door you want to open. So what you've done now is you're going to go up and you're going to put your nose on that door and you're going to wait for that door.
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You want that door to open. You need that door to open. You want that door to open. And so you're going to stand within inches of that door because the minute it opens, you're jumping through. That's your door. That's the thing you want. Now meanwhile, in that hallway, there is a multitude of doors. And while you're standing there with your nose plastered to that door there's a bunch of doors opening and closing. You don't see any of them because that door you want is the one you've picked. And you'll see no other door. All those other doors represent opportunities. They represent things that are trying to happen in the world that you're not paying attention to. Because the cage you created for yourself is this is the only door that matters. That, my friends, is a lack of humility in my mind because I believe there's only three characteristics, three things that a leader needs humility, integrity and courage. Humility is the top of that list.
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Humility is an openness to the universe. That's what humility is. Humility is an openness to the universe and a willingness to know that it is not up to you. So at both times when we create that cage for ourselves, there's a lack of humility. We've closed ourselves off from the universe. We're not listening. We've become so egocentric that, no, this is what I want. This is what I believe. This is what's happening right now. We define it for ourselves. Now, do we have the capacity to shift that focus? I don't know. And if we want to have meaning, if we want to have impact because we do we want our lives to stand for something. We want them to mean something. We want there to be some reason we're here.
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Doesn't that ability to impact the world rest in how we interact with each person every day? And if we're focused on those interactions and made it mean something to the other person, what would that do for us? That's where we make meaning. My definition of leadership is having a positive impact on those we care about. It isn't making millions of dollars for me can be for you. I'm not judging. Everybody's got their own definition. But for me, it's having a positive impact on the lives of those we care about. How do you do that? Will you make the most of those interactions? Is it the pursuit of career and money and acquiring stuff or saving for retirement? Are those the steps to meaning? Does that make your life more meaningful if you get promoted, you make more money, you buy a new car, you buy a new house, your 401K looks great and you're ready to retire. Is that guarantee meaning? Now I'll tell you from a book by Bonnie Ware, the name of the books I'm going to read you the Top Five Regrets of Dying, which is actually the title of the book.
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I'm sure you might have heard about it. These are the top five things that people regret over the years. I actually think she's a nurse. I think she's a hospice nurse. So she does have some experience here. Number one I'd wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I would have not built my own cage translated. Number two wish I wouldn't work so hard. Number three I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Number four I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. And number five, get this. Number five I wish that I had let myself be happier. I wish that I would have let myself be happier. Now, what's interesting about all these, I don't know that any of these are dependent on anybody but the person laying in that bed getting ready to pass away.
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That's the hardest part, isn't it? These weren't things that they weren't allowed to do that anybody could actually stop them from doing, that anybody told them they shouldn't do. These are just things, cages they built for themselves. We create our own limitations and expectations around our lives. Nobody else does. Now the only question is, are you going to own it? Are you going to be intentional about it? And are you going to exert ownership over those decisions? I'd wish I'd had courage to live a true life, truer to myself, not the lives expected by others. I wish I wouldn't have worked so hard. I'd wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. And I wish I had let myself be happier. A book was written. Five top regrets of dying.
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Here's the end of the story is I'll jump to the end, we all die. It's really kind of funny. We all fear the only certainty in our life. There's only one certainty in our life, we will all die. Yet it's one of the top fears that we have, is we fear a certainty. It's a whole nother discussion, just something to chew on. But you can do different than that today. You can do something different from that today. If these are the top five regrets, and if any of these ring true to you, if any of those you went, oh, that hit me right where it hurts. The do something about it today. I would ask you, sit down and write out and this is a theme for me but write out what's limiting you. Write out the limiting thoughts and beliefs you have about your life and about you. The things you believe you can and cannot do. Write them down. As many as you can come up with.
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Just keep writing or keep typing until you're done all the things that you can and cannot do. Both of them. Then I want you to go back through and look at each of those things and think about, did you just come up with that? Or is that a story somebody told you about yourself? Because all of us, every one of us, grew up hearing these stories about who we are, what we're capable of, told to us by other people in our lives. Here's the thing, that's normal because as children, as young adults, we're not there yet. Here's the danger in that. Now, nobody met I won't say nobody sometimes they do mean something negative by it. I'm not going to get into all that. That's up for you to decide. But here's what you have to do as an adult. As an adult, you have to ask yourself, are those stories still relevant and true? Because most of us don't question the story. After we get to a certain age, it just becomes who we are. We've internalized that story, and now it's guiding our life.
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I think it was Young who said, until we make the unconscious conscious, we will call it fate and it will direct our lives. Until we make the unconscious conscious, we will call it fate and it will direct our lives. Well, he could have said, until we make these stories conscious, they will direct our lives. Because that's how we all live. We live through the stories that we were told growing up through young adulthood. Whether you're an athlete or an achiever or you're good in school or you're not good in school or you're an artist or you're this or you're that or you're smart or you're not, those are all stories. Those are not abject truths. Those were stories you were told by people in your lives. The question I have for you now is, are you going to continue to believe the story? Because guess what? The story can change because it's just a story. So I want you to think about this next question. What if you were free and powerful enough to write your own story? Would you live it out? Two things would you write it?
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Would you have the courage? Again, remember humility, integrity and courage, I believe, is what we need. Do you have the courage to write the story? Do you have the courage to write your own story? If you don't, that's fine. There's no judgment involved in this. But I do want you to own the fact that you're not willing to do it. If you're going to allow somebody else. You're going to allow other people to write your story. Just own that. That's it. Don't feel bad about it. Just release the responsibility. Just accept what you've done. That's all we have to be answerable to our actions, right?
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But what if you were free and powerful enough to write your own story? Would you write it and then would you live it out? Because you can if you want to. You it's right there in front of you. I don't care how old you are, you can write your story today. That's it. That's the message for this one. The question is, what if you were free and powerful enough to write your own story? Would you write it and would you live it? And I'm just going to give you one quote to take us out. Don't get too caught up in making money or having a job. Get excited about the fact that you can design your life. Darren Johnson don't get too caught up in making money or having a job. Get excited about the fact that you can design your life. And more than anything, the next statement is true about the topic we just discussed.
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Everybody can. Most won't, very few do. All I'm asking is, will you be one of the few who do? Here's the answer. I'm going to answer the first question for you. When I said, what if you were free and powerful enough to write your own story? The answer is yes. In case you haven't got that far yet. The answer is a resounding, hell yes. You are. Every one of you are free and powerful enough to write your own story. Will you? That's the question. And will you live it out? Those are two different things.
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Writing the story and then being the lead in that story. Two different things. You have the power. You are free and powerful enough to do it today. Or if you want to take a nap, do it tomorrow. Do it sometime or don't do it. And if you don't do it, be honest with yourself that you're not going to do it. We need you to do it. The world needs what you have. Believe me, the world needs what you have to offer. They need that free and powerful story you're going to write and they need you to enact it in the world. And I hope you do. Take care of yourself and take care of each other. And I hope to see you back in the lab soon.
